Cobus Etzebeth

Clinical Psychologist

Tips from a parent with an Autistic child

– NINA-MOON ABOUT CALEB

AT HOME

  • Get your child diagnosed with Autism (ASD) as soon as possible – early intervention is key!  Parents need to learn about autism, familiarizing themselves with the traits that generally characterize with ASD & then identify them with their own child because each child is different. (Autism symptoms start appearing in the age bracket 2 to 3 years)  Caleb presented with the following symptoms:
  • Very little eye contact or checking-in behaviours with others;
  • Hurt himself (stimming) bang & hit his head & also scratch his arms & legs & bite the inside of his mouth;
  • Woke up numerous times at night.  Crying & screaming (night terrors);
  • Was mostly non-verbal communication;
  • Couldn’t potty train;
  • Had no imagination when playing, only pushed his cars & trains back & forth;
  • Didn’t play with other children;
  • Showed no affection (hugs & kisses);
  • Only ate white foods like rice, pasta, banana & yogurt; 
  • Cried for EVERYTHING;
  • Had daily meltdowns!
  • Early intervention includes Occupational Therapy & Speech therapy. 
  • Parents need to also comply to helping their children adequately at home, making their children feel comfortable & safe. There are various support groups available on Facebook, which a parent might find invaluable.
  •  Autistic children are socially overwhelmed & tend to avoid gatherings when family & friends visit.   Create a safe place for them where they can escape to when they start feeling overwhelmed.   We created a corner in his room with a small tent, inside we had his favourite toys & books. He felt safe there & he also used to put on his earphones that blocked out the overwhelming sounds.
  • Communicate with friends & family about ASD.  Tell them about it, so that they can also help understand your child. The support is very important & makes the development easier.
  • Routine is VERY IMPORTANT to an autistic child. So, make sure that your child knows what’s going to happen. No surprises, it will trigger a meltdown. So create a visual board that will show what will be done during the day.
  • Food textures are sensory triggers too, which can result in gagging & discomfort. Find what your child enjoys & then slowly introduce new foods but don’t force them. 
  • When washing their hair & brushing their teeth:  these are also sensory triggers which can result in meltdowns. Try to make it fun!  When washing hair, never cover their face but gently let them lay back and use a folded face cloth to prevent water trickling on their face. I bought a cute jug from Dischem that had a flexible rubber that forms over the head that prevents water from running over their face. Brushing teeth is tricky, but sing a song & try your best. Cutting nails is also very tricky, but gentle gestures & patience is all you need.
  • Autistic children find comfort with deep pressure, so a special brush can be used, that you can brush their bodies with when they start feeling overwhelmed.  It helps them to relax. This deep pressure also helps them to sleep, so a heavy blanket on them also helps.
  • Night terrors are awful & as a parent you cannot help them – don’t worry, my wonderful doctor told me that this was due to an iron deficiency (due to their limited diet) so get an iron supplement.
  • Clothing can also be a huge issue, stitching & tags that irritate them. So, ensure that clothing is soft & remove ALL tags. Wearing shoes can also be challenging but make your child comfortable & let them wear what’s comfy:  their favourite slippers or slops. When I bought clothing I used to let Caleb touch it & he immediately indicated if he didn’t like it.
  • Caleb used to horde his favourite things in a box that he carried around with him everywhere.  He would put random things in there – but we let him make his own decisions about what he wanted in there because this in some way gave him security.  Just check the box regularly because Caleb used to put food in there too!
  • Autistic children are messy eaters, I still struggle with Caleb & he is 9. They chew with their mouths open & mess –  but guide them gently.
  • Get a trampoline?  The jumping helps with the anxiety. And a rocking chair or swing is also amazing for their sensory issues.
  • Autistic children will also be adamant about wanting certain things – like wanting to watch more TV at bedtime. They are manipulators & you must implement strict boundaries which also form part of their routine.  This can be very frustrating but these little angels teach you PATIENCE, trust me!
  • Your therapist will give you great ideas for educational toys for your child that’s imperative for play time at home  – as to stimulate their very busy minds. Bean bags, building blocks, hand stitching forms, exercise balls (big ones), sensory books for them to touch, etc.
  • MOST IMPORTANT…. get to know your child, find what makes them tick. I used to write it down & then Google & YouTube like crazy for ideas & advise.  You may feel overwhelmed but know that this little human ONLY has you & you are there to provide them with love and understanding… it’s a wild journey but it’s so fulfilling!!!

IN PUBLIC / SCHOOL

  • Going to malls or restaurants, visiting friends and family, etc. can be very challenging.  You will see an increase in their anxiety levels.  Remember they are being bombarded with an overload of sensory triggers (lights, sounds, smells, new faces etc.) So, I started putting on sunglasses & earphones for Caleb. I would also tell him where we are going (communication is key, no surprises remember). I used to put him in the trolley with his favourite pillow, blanket & toys. Same for when visiting. 
  • When your child starts getting upset, please don’t shout at them or smack them! Understand that they are literally freaking out & cannot process what’s going on around them. Watch this video…. https://youtu.be/KhT0NxCayEg
  • You may have noticed that your child rocks/makes the same sound/bangs their head/hits their head/scratches themself/bangs things, this is known as “stimming”. It’s their coping mechanism when they are feeling overwhelmed & it’s their way to make you know that they’ve had enough.  Identify your child’s stimming reaction & see it as their way to say “HELP”. 
  • When they start going to school, make sure that their teachers know about ASD. Make them aware of your child’s needs & remember that it’s not something to be embarrassed about. Your child is just wired differently & they can teach you so so much.
  • Introduce new things slowly, make them apart of your life but don’t exclude them because they feel it TRUST ME.
  •  Praise them, they love to feel important. They may not show it, but it helps in their development. I have made a star chart for my boys, so they know they will get a star for doing certain things and behaving accordingly.  With a special gift after a certain amount of stars are reached! Thus, they are working towards something.
  • When Caleb is sick, he can become impossible. Why??? Because now he not only has ALL his sensory issues but an added illness to contend with…  so you can only imagine how bad that must be. So, here I use the pressure brush & lots of essential oils. He loves his oils & they bring a lot of calmness & peace.
  • Homework can be rewarding, just split up the work (chunking) & let your child know exactly what’s expected from them.  How much work there is makes them comfortable to know & then the time can be established to perform accordingly & then they can go play. Caleb struggled to believe in himself because his younger brother can do it & he can’t… I’ve used this as a tool, and not as a disadvantage. Because I embrace his eagerness to learn & Joshua LOVES helping his brother – but here I need to be strict because Caleb tends to default to “I can’t” & immediately relies on Josh.  So, I create a space where Caleb can offer his advice to Josh – swop the rolls – and Caleb is loving the confidence he can now explain something to his brother. So in my despair, the greatest tool was created & its working!!

So, my story is to encourage you, to NOT GIVE UP.  Yes, it’s scary & complicated in the beginning but accepting what it is & making it part of your life, is the only way that you will help your child. And trust me, you will feel distraught & helpless but embrace these moments because they only strengthen you & you will get back up again. Just put yourself in your child’s shoes & then you will realize why they are reacting that way – KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!